Sex Therapy
Has Sex Become A Problem In Your Relationship?
Is it difficult for you to express yourself sexually?
Have you experienced challenges such as a lack of physical intimacy, difficulty reaching orgasm, or feeling ashamed of your desires and sexual urges?
Do you wish you felt more connected to your partner in the bedroom and could share the pleasures of sex with more confidence and passion?
Although you may experience loving, committed relationships, perhaps you’re missing the sexual intimacy you hoped for. This could be for many reasons, including mismatched sex drives, performance issues, unresolved sexual trauma, or being embarrassed by discussing your sexual desires.
Regardless of the underlying reasons why you may struggle with achieving a satisfying sex life, perhaps you’re feeling frustrated and hopeless. Sadly, your discomfort with sex may be impacting your ability to maintain intimate relationships.
You Might Feel Shame Surrounding Sex
Unfortunately, shame may be negatively impacting your sex life. If you experience performance issues—such as erectile dysfunction or female orgasmic disorder—you may be embarrassed and, as a result, avoid intimacy altogether. Or maybe you’re trying to make sense of your sexual fantasies so that you can feel comfortable talking about them with your partner.
If you or your partner is preoccupied with pornography or engaging in extramarital sexual encounters, you might be concerned about behaviors and habits that negatively impacting your relationship. Additionally, you may become triggered whenever sex is initiated due to past experiences of sexual abuse.
If only you could work through sexual shame and feel more comfortable experiencing pleasure, you could elevate your intimate relationship to the next level. Sex therapy offers you a safe place to work through whatever challenges you face. Counseling for sexual trauma or erectile dysfunction can help you feel more empowered and confident in the bedroom.
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Over One-Third Of Americans Encounter Sexual Difficulty
The factors that contribute to sexual dissatisfaction are numerous. We may face physical, psychological, and cultural issues that impact sexual performance. Not only do many of us face physical setbacks that interfere with sex, but we may have developed negative messages about sex from our parents, community, schools, institutions, religions, and society.
Sexual concerns are very common, not only taking a toll on our sex lives but also on our relationships and well-being. According to the National Institutes of Health, “43 percent of women and 31 percent of men report at least one type of sexual difficulty.” What’s more, “About 10 to 15 percent of women have never had an orgasm and surveys suggest that up to one-half of women are not satisfied with how often they reach orgasm.” [1]
A Lack Of Sex Education And Mixed Messages Within Our Culture Can Contribute To The Problem
Unfortunately, the sex education most of us received in school taught little more than how to avoid sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy. With this sex-negative messaging, we never learned how to explore our bodies without shame and practice pleasurable, consensual sex. Without a healthy, normalized approach to sex education, we never break away from the idea that it remains a taboo subject we shouldn’t talk about.
Culturally, America’s notion of sex is at once salacious and puritanical. Despite our media content drowning in sexually explicit imagery and pornography being easily accessible, “slut shaming” and judgment over promiscuity persists, especially for women. Finding a forum to discuss sensuality and healthy consensual sex is rare. Sadly, we are left feeling helpless, ashamed, and, consequently, unfulfilled.
Fortunately, in counseling, you can receive education and guidance that supports sexual intimacy. Regardless of the issues you’re confronting, sex therapy can help.
Sex Therapy Can Help You Achieve More Satisfaction
Sex is one of those topics that can be uncomfortable talking about. I aim to create a safe environment to discuss sexual challenges that, perhaps, you’ve never been able to discuss before. By giving voice to your concerns in a supportive, sex-positive environment, you can begin taking steps toward concrete solutions.
By providing you with education about sex and sexual health—as well as practical tools and strategies—you can shed any shame and embarrassment that may be holding you back from achieving a more fulfilling and satisfying sex life. Whatever your challenges, we can tackle them together in a way that’s normalizing and not pathologizing.
What To Expect In Sessions
I am happy to work with individuals, couples, or polyamorous throuples in counseling sessions. Initially, we will explore your sexual history and identify current challenges so I have a clear picture of what you would like to focus on. I will also provide you with psychoeducation on all things sex-related to fill in whatever gaps of what you were never taught. If you are experiencing any sexual dysfunction, I may recommend you follow up with your medical care provider to rule out any physical causes.
Once the underlying reasons for sexual challenges are better understood, therapy will be tailored to address them. If, for example, we determine that previous sexual trauma prevents you from experiencing pleasure, we may incorporate individual Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) sessions to help you target and neutralize distressing memories. Or, perhaps, you may choose to utilize a healing process that allows you to take back control of the narrative by performing sexual acts on your own terms.
Additionally, exploring your first sexual encounters may reveal the origins of desires and urges you’re trying to make sense of now. A deep dive into where these kinks originated can help normalize them and illuminate how to integrate them into your sex life without shame or judgment.
Therapy Offers Tangible Skills That Can Improve Your Sex Life
Depending upon the issues you’re challenged by, I can provide you with practical strategies and coping skills you can implement in between sessions including:
Questionnaires that help you identify and better understand your sexual preferences and desires;
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help challenge and reframe negative thoughts and beliefs that may interfere with sex, such as body image and views based on shame;
Mindfulness exercises to help you remain present and grounded during foreplay, intercourse, and orgasm;
Somatic sex therapy homework exercises that heighten the senses and broaden the definition of what constitutes sex beyond intercourse, leading to more adventurous intimacy.
Because talking about sex can feel taboo, you may have held off asking for help. But encountering sexual challenges is normal. Similar to going to a doctor for a physical ailment, finding a qualified sex therapist can lead to healing and wellness. With the right support, you can overcome whatever issues you face and enjoy a pleasurable sex life.
But Maybe You’re Not Sure If Sex Therapy Is Right For You…
Can sexuality counseling help us if we each have different sex drives?
Although you may think having mismatched sex drives is something that can’t be overcome, you’d be wrong. In fact, figuring out how to become more sexually compatible is a common reason for couples to come to sex counseling. Learning about your individual sex drives—and why and how they differ—can be hugely helpful in building intimacy in your relationship. With this understanding, you can ensure each of your needs are met.
What if one or both of us are embarrassed to talk about our sex life with a therapist?
Naturally, the thought of talking about sex with a therapist can be uncomfortable. After all, most of us aren’t in the habit of openly talking about sex. I aim to take away the embarrassment by creating a safe and supportive environment where both of you feel at ease. But the more you talk about it, the less discomfort you should feel. What’s more, your discomfort may signal underlying feelings about sex that are mixed with shame that would be beneficial to discuss in therapy.
Because the passion between us faded long ago, I doubt counseling can help us regain sexual intimacy.
As we enter a more stable, steady phase of love, it's normal for passion to dwindle and the "honeymoon phase" to end. And although there is a chance passion won't rekindle, the opposite could also be true—what if the passion does reignite? To reignite excitement and passion in the bedroom, sometimes it takes learning new tools or trying something new.
Being Human Doesn’t Come With A Manual
Don’t let a satisfying sex life pass you by. To find out more about sex therapy, you may visit my contact page or call 720-336-8884 to schedule a free 15-minute call.
[1] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11122954/
